So with all that is happening with COVID-19, I got to thinking that maybe I should write down some of my deepest secrets and thoughts, in case COVID gets the best of me. I know my blog is about anonymity and I haven’t thought this completely through, but maybe I can find a way to get my confessions to the person it’s about. Ehhh, who knows. Whatever, so here we go…
« Next #COVIDConfession
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Phillip M
Where do I begin? I suppose from the very beginning… You’re only a year younger than I am, but we never really knew each other. Mainly because you went to the local private Catholic school, while I was in public school. In fact we didn’t know each other one bit.
If it wasn’t for Starbucks, I wouldn’t have been blessed to know you at all. I mean truly, how well does a Barista know their customers? Well I suppose some know their customers really well, if you catch my drift, but alas we were not like that.
I was the friendly but shy Barista that you’d always see at night when you came into our store to study. I had a regular daytime job, so my only available shifts for Starbucks was at night.
Our lobby was not visible from the counter, but we had recently rearranged the store a bit so a few tables were. If you had only known how much I prayed each night that you’d take a seat at one of the visible tables just so that I could get a quick glance here and there, as to not make myself obvious. Not obvious to you, but to my coworkers. Remember, I’m in the closet after all.
Knowing you were in the lobby, I’d volunteer to sweep and mop the lobby as we would prepare to close the store. You would sit there with all your medical books, studying away to become a nurse. Seeing that alone, I knew you were a kind and compassionate person. Plus, whenever I’d take your order, you were just the sweetest and most gentle person I had ever encountered.
While I swept and mopped, I’d just stare at you and admire you from afar. I know I’m nothing to look at, so I know you’d never give me the time of day. You, though … you were an adonis in my eyes. You were just so easy on the eyes. Cute as hell with a sexy smile. You’d sometimes come in, in your scrubs and other times you’d come in dressed like a typical student. During the summer, it was even more exciting to see you because you’d rock a tank top most of the time.
I noticed your tattoo of the DNA strand on your delicious bicep and one day while sweeping. You were so cute and kind to offer to move so I could sweep below you. I laughingly said it was ok and it was my opportunity to talk to you. I knew your name, thanks to having to write it on your cup numerous times in the past.
“Oh that’s alright… but thank you. Hey, Phil, right? How’s the studying going?”
“Alright, thanks. How’s your shift today?” – That was so kind of you to even ask.
“It’s going,” I chuckled, “Glad it’s almost over. If you don’t mind me asking, what are you studying?”
You chuckled a bit at my corny joke, “Oh, I’m studying to become a nurse.”
“Oh that’s amazing. I suppose that explains your tattoo then.”
“Oh yeah, it’s a DNA strand. I had really liked it and wanted to get it.”
“Oh that’s awesome. Well let me let you get back to your work, as should I. Well thank you for what you do.”
“Thanks man, I appreciate it.”
It was the simplest of dialogues but it meant so much to me. You truly were a kind and sweet person. You actually spoke to me. We had an actual conversation. I couldn’t believe it.
Well fast forward to years of you coming to our store. I knew your drink and had it ready most nights for you. I’d even try my best to sneak it to you when the supervisor wasn’t looking. I guess I was young and naive and stupidly in love and hoped that a few comped beverages here and there would get you to fall in love with me, but who was I kidding?
I enjoyed watching you from afar. We’d make small conversation here and there. I didn’t want to bother you or distract you from your studies, so it was small, casual conversations. To be honest, your presence was all I needed to be happy. You were a sight for my sore eyes each night. When I worked and you didn’t come in, I was bummed. You were out and proud and any guy you came in the store with, whether he be a friend or date, I was jealous. That person got to know you on a whole different level than I ever could.
Fast forward some more (ok fast forward more like 10+ years) and just recently, when I had sort of forgotten about you, there you are, popping up on Facebook as someone that I may know. I was excited and couldn’t wait to look at your profile and see what you’ve been up to. Of course, the profile was locked. My excitement got the best of me and without much thought, I tapped that Add Friend button. After I did it, thoughts came flooding in. What did I do? Does he even know me? Does he even remember me? This is probably so random for him? Panic ensued.
Much to my surprise, you accepted my friend request. Maybe you did remember me? Who knows? Nothing actually has come of our online friendship. You never messaged me and from what I can tell, you’ve never liked anything that I’ve posted. So there it was, a digital friendship that would be nothing more than that.
Thankfully though, I got to “catch up” with :::cough:stalk::: your profile. You’re officially a RN (Yay! Congrats!) and you now live in Florida (boo). You’ve somehow managed to become even more hot and sexy. The facial hair and shirtless pics galore just got me even more heated. You turned out to be one sexy ass man who is doing amazing things.
I see your posts about the whole COVID-19 situation and see your post about how you’re not a “hero” as people have been calling you, but just a man doing his job. You’re so humble and cute. You post a few “live” videos and talk to your friends and family about staying safe. You cry. You’re real. You’re raw.
I comment, as everyone does, saying thank you for all that you do and that you’re an amazing person. Secretly, I want to hug you and be your boyfriend and be there for you through it all, but again, who am I kidding? I am honestly happy that you’ve made a life for yourself and that you’re successful and happy. I wish you nothing but the best in life and only wish that we could’ve been best friends instead of acquaintances.